enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
