never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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