6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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