Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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