From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it fun? or sober?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
