My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
