I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
