WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize