HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
