the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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