1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
