Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
