My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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