I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
sex in a hospital.. check
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
