just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize