you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
