he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
