Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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