You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
