ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
