i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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