is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
