I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
