dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
