I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
