Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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