Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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