Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
