Already got asked if we're dating
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
