This house was built for laser tag.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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