I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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