I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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