Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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