dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
