I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize