Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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