if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
