That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
