you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
