Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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