Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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