You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The adults are the big ones right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
