Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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