I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
