Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
