At least make sure they are 18
Why
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
