The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
