I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
