I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
