Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
