If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
