first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
