Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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