lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
