It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
