She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
