Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
smell my finger.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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