yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
