i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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