so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
