Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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