sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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