shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize