Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
