my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
