I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
