we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
