Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
