I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
