Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize