I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
