I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
