Soap is not a condiment
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
