Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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