alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
