i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
