Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
