I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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